"For most doctoral advisees, their advisors are the persons who had the greatest impact on them. I am no different," Elaine Hsieh says.
"Dr. Dale E. Brashers was my father-away-from home. He helped me, an international student and a first-generation doctoral student, navigate not only the professional discipline but also the cultural nuances of a foreign land.
"Thus, it was a complete shock to me when I received a phone call on a hot summer day in July 2010, the year I received my tenure at the University of Oklahoma, informing me that my academic dad, the head of the Department of Communication, had passed away at his campus office. Dale was only 50 years old. I had assumed he would be around for many, many years to come. Shock hardly conveys how I felt."
“It’s too soon.”
“What am I going to do?”
“How could he not be around right before I became a tenured professor?”
“Who will be rooting for me unconditionally from now on?”
“Am I an academic orphan now?”
"These thoughts lingered in my mind, intruding at the most unexpected moments when I was not ready to process any of the answers. I was sad and angry. At times, I was disappointed by and ashamed of how 'self-centered' these thoughts were. I couldn’t help it.
"I remember trying to explain, through tears, to my actual father what was happening. 'Dale’s passing hurt me in a way no words can describe. It’s like losing my dad.' That was awkward, but my father understood. What a strange thing to say to my actual father. He nodded empathically, embracing my pain without judgment. They had met at my doctoral graduation.
"Dale’s memorial was held on the UI campus in September. Hundreds of people, students, community partners and colleagues showed up. It was easy to see how important and impactful he was to so many, not only to the students he mentored but also to his colleagues and friends in the larger communities he belonged to. I dreaded walking into the memorial, thinking that once it ended, I would be all alone.
"How silly of me to think that Dale would be gone forever and my ties with UI would end after his memorial. I did not lose a dad. I gained a whole family, with family members I did not know before. I was never orphaned.
"Dr. John Caughlin — who was on my doctoral committee, my academic uncle — was there all along my professional growth and personal struggles to step in and give me guidance. He advised me, laughed with me and simply listened. At times, we wondered about what Dale would have felt or what he would have said and chuckled at our answers.
"Dr. Leanne Knobloch, whom I did not know well during my years as a doctoral student, always reached out to meet and check in to see how I was doing. She was the academic sister that I did not know I had before. She told me how Dale used to wiggle her office light switch to tease her, and now she thinks of Dale whenever her light flickers. Nowadays, when my light flickers, I think of Leanne and Dale.
"Dr. Sally Jackson, who was Dale’s doctoral advisor, readily took me in and assumed the role of an academic grandparent, sharing her fond memories about Dale. We comforted each other and took joy in knowing that Dale would have been very happy about our connectedness.
"Over the years, random people from UI cannot wait to tell me stories of Dale’s generosity that touched them deeply and personally, guiding their professional lives to this day. My UI family grew bigger. Our shared stories connect us.
"I feel closer to UI than ever before. Maybe Dale never died. He became the glue that binds me to my UI family, continuing to inspire me and remind me about the person I want to be. All of us, UI folks, were bound together through Dale’s life. That’s what the institution is and does for those of us lucky to come together there.
“'Dale would have been so proud of you.' Nothing speaks deeper than that when someone says that to me these days. That’s the moment I know Dale is very much alive for the speaker — and for me, always."
